I saw him, I loved him.
We shared our beds and the hopes and dreams that transpired.
Then I left. I had to.
I thought of him ever so often, a heart ache that was all too familiar.
We spoke. But we were not the same.
Seemed like it had been a lifetime since our time together, and maybe it was another life. A happier life.
And now I’m back. But where is he?
He is with her. Is he happy?
It breaks my heart to realize what I wanted with him, he has with her.
What I introduced in his life, he is experiencing with her.
How cruel can heartbreak be? How oblivious can the heartbreaker be?
Now, every morning between being asleep and partially awake, during each of my reveries, I think of him. But more often I think of her.
Did she steal what was mine?
I hope to regain what I have lost, a part of me, some way and some day.
Or maybe this is the only love story I will ever write; it began when our eyes locked, ended when we blinked.
By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.” – Franz Kafka
Growing up, we are passionate about more things than we can probably count on our fingers. But what happens when that childlike belief of conquering the world wears off and we realize the true enormity of the world we live in?
Each one of us has that distinct moment wherein, for the very first time, we are faced with a true existential crisis. The moment we realize being a cosmetic surgeon or the CEO of an MNC is much more than just talking the talk. The worst is when you realize that you have spent too much time “day dreaming” and not enough trying to actively achieve that day dream. This is when your day dream turns into a full-fledged daymare and you’re launched into a tizzy of thoughts that are so alien to your prior happy being that you’re convinced of your insanity.
Being a 20 something I have gone through all of the above and worse. I know that there is a large percentage of people out there who have it all figured out and probably never have to go through this turmoil of a realization. However I am also convinced that there are many more like me out there, struggling to get a grasp on their reality.
So what happens to the likes of us? Do we meander aimlessly through life devoid of a passion or calling? For the sake of my sanity I surely hope not. I like to believe that in my shortcomings lays my victory. All of us are not cut out the same and some of us may have a more profound calling. This may be rooted in the struggle to have a more content family life; it may be a personal struggle to overcome your own limitations or like me, it may be a struggle caused by the overwhelming number of opportunities presented to an individual in this day and age.
Back in the day things were much simpler. The world as we knew it had a few things to offer & not too many things to delve into it. However now, every function has a sub function, every department has innumerous specializations. Gone are the days when writers were just writers. Now there are long form/short form writers, bloggers, copywriters, social media specialists, content producers, curators and the list just goes on. So how does one chose? How does one decide that they are a curator and not a social media specialist?
Well, the key as per me is in the non-selection. Choosing between being a curator and a social media specialist is hardly a choice at all, so rather be a person of multiple traits. It takes as much amount of intellect and strength to be able to master multiple skills as it does to single heartedly master one. At least for me knowing that my mind has the capacity to excel & accept various schools of thought provides to me a great deal of strength.
So my advice to all the lost souls out there would be, don’t lose hope! As the quote above mentions, desire everything you can and much more. Its only when you stop desiring that you truly are lost.